baby talk


i think all people that make homepages are lame. me too. i suck. i am serious.

if i were a dog i would be: rabid

if i were a type of paint i would be: enamel

if i were a type of shoe i would be a: hurache sandal

if i were a carpeater would you be my big bang?

if i were a candy i would be a: whopper (even though i hate malt anything)

except for malt liquor

oh yeah and last week i vomited all over the middle stall in the ladies room in the london tavern here in dallas. avoid it if you can. colorado bulldog anyone?

everyone has their demographic of the opposite sex that they tend to attract. mine is 30 or over cheap trick fans. i can't explain this but men my father's age who happen to be cheap trick fans tend to dig me. my dad hates cheap trick.

oh and for some reason i always end up getting in weird situations with punk guys who play bass and are named johnny. and this has happened multiple times.

my favorite teletubbie is: one that eats cats whole

my cats name is cleocatra. she almost jumped out of the car going down central on the way home. i sometimes think i should have helped her out. i have black clothes. she is white. but i covered her in grape kool aid once and she licked it and threw up. like i did last weekend in the middle stall of the ladies room at the london tavern. colorado bulldog anyone?

my dog has cancer. she snarts blood all over my clothes. last weekend, i got sick in the middle stall of the ladies room of the london tavern.

my mom has an online boy toy who is the english equivalent of dilbert. and she has started saving money to go see him by stopping taking her anti depressants.

my car has been egged because i have a wales sticker on it. and it has T REX written in the caked on grease and dirt on the side door, just above where i ran over some gravel and a curb and substantially tore a gaping hole into the rear panel. and my dad said "goddammit!" because he is from georgia and was sherrif of wingnut county, georgia once in 1932. so he has that right.

my cd's are all gashed and covered in dr pepper and ash.

my shoes are athletic works and cost $12 at walmart. and they are baby blue and have rainbow stripes. and smell like chlorine sometimes.

i still have leprosy above my upper lip.

and 60 ft dolls are gone. but not forgotten.

here's a list of people i hate

people that make web pages

estelle getty

dr spock

old people who scorn young drivers for passing them

kids in glasses, like that kid in Jerry Maguire. they just look funny.

indie kids wearing rustlers

fascist pop dictators (see: wilco)

anyone who can honestly say they like hurricane #1

any boy with a neck that is large.

who is america's most beloved person? i hate them too.

anyone who likes reading angst filled poetry

anyone who writes angst filled poetry.

anyone who likes to read

anyone that considers their grandparent's funerals important.


steve lamacq.

macgruff the crimedog.

indie girls with bob haircuts and bangs.